What I Wish I Knew: A Letter to My Pregnant Self

Dear New Mama,

You won’t find this stuff in any pregnancy book, so I thought I should tell you…

Relax!

Spend less time preparing for the baby and more time doing things just for you (read books, take day trips, go out with the girls…). Because for the next few years, your hours will be consumed by Baby’s never-ending needs and your innate desire to satisfy all of them. “Down time” will consist of shuffling through activities in a comatose state or a sleep broken by your heightened alertness for another’s cry.

Don’t plan too much, since plans have a way of falling to the wayside. Just buy the basic baby gear. You’ll know more what your baby really needs once she’s here.

You’re not going to be a perfect mother.

And that’s a relief! Nobody likes perfect mothers, anyway. Your child will learn mostly from your words and actions, and accepting her own imperfections is a necessary life lesson you’d do well to model.

Of course, you want to do everything better than your parents did. You want to buy just the right stuff. And raise the most darling daughter on the block. But you’ll find that your ideas of perfection change over time (no screen time for kids under age two slowly becomes one short video that allows you to shower) and that some pre-birth credos (no Barbie dolls for my daughter) aren’t worth the bother.

You’ll never feel a love like this.

That amazing husband you thought was the great love of your life? No more. Now he’s just a mere mortal who will never measure up to the unconditional love you’ll feel for your child. Of course, you still love him dearly – he’s one main reason you became a mother anyway – but a mother’s love is a force unlike any other: raw, brave, deep and primal. While hubby may pine for the way life was before baby came along, you could never imagine life without your child (at least, after the first six months), and you’ll roar at anyone or anything that dares to challenge that.

It’s not a competition.

Even though it sometimes feels like it among moms who spout a multitude of parenting methods and advice. NOTE: They all have their own unique children, each of who responds differently to the same thing. Trust your own inner guidance when it comes to your family’s needs.

And let go of the need to compete with your own mother. You are raising kids in different times with different resources. You can both be good mothers, even if your parenting philosophies differ. Realizing this will make you less defensive and less resentful. No, your childhood wasn’t perfect (and either will your child’s be), but that’s not because you didn’t try to make it so. It’s because your idea of perfection will always be different from another’s. Just do your best, and let go.

Get used to surprise and uncertainty.

Think breastfeeding will be an easy adjustment? It won’t. Fear the troubles of potty training? It’s a breeze. My point is that parenting is hardly ever what you think it will be. Your worst fears are rarely realized while seemingly innocuous things will surprise you with their ability to drive you insane. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you’re knocked for a loop again.

My advice? Get up, dust yourself off and enjoy the ride, because you’re in for a long one. You’re in it for life.

Love,
Me

 

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Note: This post was written as part of the April Carnival of Natural Mothering at Growing Slower. View more posts on this topic from other bloggers below.

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This post has been shared at Natural Living Monday and Natural Family Friday.