Category Archives: Beyond Childbirth

I love my daughter. There is nothing comparable to the joys of motherhood. But there are times when I yearn to escape. I need to get away from all that is young and loud and uncontrollable and slip into a peaceful place where my needs take center stage. Ideally, this would be a tropical eco-resort where my days would be filled with sleeping, reading, writing, meditation and the calm that comes with knowing I am not about to be interrupted. Ever. In reality, I get my escapes by going to yoga class or staying up late to read. These are short-lived and usually full of interruption. The fact that I work from home during the day (while wonderful) does not constitute an escape. Being in the house ties me to thoughts of undone laundry, overflowing recycle bins and a near-empty fridge. Signs of my linchpin role within the family are … Continue reading →

“The earth is sick, Mommy.” This is what my five-year-old has learned from my years working for an environmental organization and talking about pollution, fish kills and global warming. Now that I am removed from that immediate environment, I wonder about such a negative message. Does it inspire action or does it feed hopelessness? My recent focus on the law of attraction tells me like attracts like. Repeating statements like “the earth is sick” builds on that negative energy and tends to create similar situations. Another way of looking at it: I see only negative situations through such a filter. I focus on the oil spills, the violent weather patterns, the displaced polar bears…and become blind to the good things happening in the world. And there are good things. The earth has survived for over four billion years, after all. It has learned to heal itself. It’s atmosphere and temperature … Continue reading →

Yesterday, Sofie proudly showed me this drawing she’d done at school. My first thought was, “Wow! She’s captured the essence of The Last Supper. My little da Vinci!” Rather, Sofie had captured a scene from last weekend’s memorial lunch, right down to the restaurant food selections: spaghetti, chicken marsala and crab cakes. The memorial honored the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law’s death. Outwardly, the weekend’s tone was bright and full of fond memories. But sadness lurked just beneath the surface as Sofie revealed in her second drawing (below). She still misses her Lolo. 2011 held much loss for my daughter. In addition to losing a favorite grandfather, her pet bunny Diamond died three weeks after we brought her home as a birthday gift. Sofie and I found her together. That’s a tough situation to navigate. Who’s to say what’s best, but there are three main things I’ve learned on helping … Continue reading →

Yesterday, Sofie brought home school papers filled with angry scribbles. She said—almost proudly—that they were mean letters to someone. Then she read me what the jumble of words was supposed to say, things like “you’re mean” and “you’re bad.” My initial reaction, of course, was to reproach her for writing such things about anyone. However, experience told me that would only cause her to clam up. Besides, from her five-year-old point of view, she hadn’t done anything wrong. I asked for the full story, which involved Sofie being excluded by a friend. My daughter had been hurt and was masking that with anger. I asked if she intended to give these angry letters to her friend. She said ’no’— a big relief. So I did what any mother does who wants to validate her child’s feelings: I helped her spell “stupid” and “disgusting.” Shocked, are you? I admit I was … Continue reading →

My little girl lost her first teeth this weekend – two of them within three days. I want to cry. I didn’t know I’d feel so attached to these bitty ivory pieces that caused months of sleeplessness five years ago. Sofie is thrilled about the whole adventure. It was her wiggling and tugging that actually got both teeth out. Apparently, she is not bothered by blood or craggy gums. She is not squeamish like me. I remember losing my first tooth during a game of Scrabble Junior and thinking I might faint. I can’t say whether my wooziness was from the blood or from losing a piece of myself, but I met every subsequent loose tooth with resistance. Not my Sofie. She squealed with delight when the first tooth fell out. The grandparents were notified. The teachers were regaled with stories of how it happened. The pre-K friends were treated … Continue reading →

I have never believed in monsters. As a child, I slept in my own room, door shut, in complete darkness. My sister Karen embodied all the fears: darkness, being alone and monsters hiding in her closet. Sofie has followed in her footsteps. I thought we had bypassed the issue when, at age three, Sofie’s only fear seemed to be Disney films. (I had never noticed before how evil characters and scary music lurked everywhere.) Now she can handle most kids’ movies but, once the sun sets, refuses to walk a dark hallway to go to the bathroom. If we are all downstairs watching TV, she will not go upstairs by herself, even if lights are on. The darkness surrounding the house is somehow too unsettling. And now monsters have appeared on the scene. Their apparent presence keeps her from entering her bedroom at night, much less sleeping there. So, although … Continue reading →