Love Letter to My Daughter

My nana died a few weeks ago, and since then, I have encountered never-before-seen photos of her and clippings that offer new insights. It’s easy to forget that she was more than just a mother and grandmother. I wish I had known more about the other sides of Nana.

Dear Sofie,

If I die tomorrow, I want you to know:

• Yes, it’s true that we came up with your name after watching The DaVinci Code. The character named Sophie represented the Sacred Feminine. We just changed the spelling to Sofie to more literally reflect that.

• I’ve always loved being outside. The earth restores me, and I’ve tried to restore the earth so that you may enjoy it too.

• I think you are way smarter than either me or Daddy. Unfortunately, this will cause you a lifetime of distress, as the world is full of stupid people.

• My favorite number is 8. My favorite color is teal. Picking favorites is fun.

• As a child, I was shy and lacked confidence. Thankfully, you have not taken after me in that department… although your lack of patience has “mom” stamped all over it.

• I always wanted to be the voiceover for a Sesame Street muppet.

• When you were two, an Asian restaurant waitress told us that we should protect the frontal part of your brain because you’d exhibit some special power at age five. Even if she was a complete crackpot, know that inside you have all the special powers you’ll ever need.

• I will never stop wanting to kiss your cheeks or smell your head.

• I have always been passionate about writing, and I hope you don’t wait as long as I did to pursue your passions.

• Dave Letterman and Dave Barry always made me laugh. Try to make friends with people named Dave.

• I love that you still sleep in our room.

• I know you’re on the fence about Santa Claus. Believe whatever you want so long as you realize the true meaning of the holidays is family and giving. (And try to be eco-conscious about all those plastic decorations and giftwrap.)

• My side of the family suffers from depression and anxiety. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you ever feel that way yourself.

• I always knew a book or movie was really good if it made me cry.

• When cleaning out my stuff, you’ll find boxes of unfinished stories and stacks of journals. Regarding the stories, feel free to sell any ideas that appear marketable. Regarding the journals, burn them. (And don’t let Daddy read them.) They contain only crazy rantings born of anger and depression.

• I married Daddy for his sense of humor and for the solid foundation of friendship we had built. So—if you marry—marry a friend who makes you laugh.

• After you were born, I really started taking care of my health—regular exercise and check-ups, eating good foods—because I finally realized that what I put into my body affected what came out. That’s why we made you eat whole grains and vegetables.

• I love that you are a book lover like me. Keep reading.

• I was terrible at learning languages and musical instruments. Hopefully, you will fare better. Capiche?

• If the Philadelphia Eagles ever win the Superbowl, I will come back for the celebration.

• If you ever join the military, I will come back to haunt you.

• It’s time you faced the truth about Barbie: she has fake hair, plastic skin and an empty head. You are so much cooler than Barbie could ever be.

• I don’t believe in heaven, but I do believe my soul continues to live and that you can connect to me anytime you need to.

• I want a big party every year on the anniversary of my death. Invite everyone you know. But please make sure Daddy doesn’t play show tunes.
• We stopped after one kid because we didn’t think they could come any better than you.

I love you, Sofie, with every fiber of my being. You amazed me every day, and I am honored to have been a part of your life.

Love,
Mommy