One Christmas tradition that won’t be seen in the DeForbes household is the Elf on the Shelf. If you are not yet aware of this growing phenomenon, here’s the lowdown.
For $29.95 you purchase the book and an elf that your family “adopts.” Kids cannot touch the elf or the magic disappears, but parents should be prepared to hide the doll in various locations every day for the next month. You see, the elf is meant to reside in your home during the holiday season for the sole purpose of spying on your kids. As Santa’s helper, the elf takes note of your children’s naughty and nice behaviors, and reports back to Santa each night.
I have several issues with this:
- The Spy Factor
How creepy is it to feel like someone’s watching your every move? Outside of the Christmas season, Mr. Elf would be served a restraining order. I may be biased here, as I was raised Catholic, which left me with a lifelong feeling that I’m being watched by a judgmental God. That kind of thing inspires nervousness and second-guessing. A judgmental elf is no better. I prefer my daughter to spend her days relaxed in every moment rather than looking over her shoulder for lurking, tattletale creatures.
- Naughty vs. Nice
Are those the only two options? What happened to all the shades of gray rampant in basic human behavior? And I can’t believe we’re still labeling children with such antiquated terms 78 years after they were popularized in the song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” This blatantly ignores years of progress in childhood development. When I became a mother, I wasn’t sure about perpetuating the Santa Claus story largely because of the “naughty vs. nice” factor. But then Sofie decided to believe in Santa, and we supported that. After all, there is lots of fun to be had around fantasy elves and talking reindeer! But we tell her that all kids receive gifts from Santa because Christmas is the season of giving, not judging.
- External Motivation
The Elf on the Shelf perpetuates the whole reward and punishment system, which is not effective long-term and merely emphasizes a relationship where one person is “less than” the other. It’s a way for parents to temporarily control their child’s behavior, but it does not affect real change. The child is only motivated to “be good” in order to get a reward. What happens the rest of the year? I want my daughter to be internally motivated to be giving, kind and helpful. And when she does naturally have those moments of throwing a tantrum or using a swear word, I don’t feel they warrant punishment. Heck, if we used those standards for adults, none of us would get presents.A child who only does the “right thing” when they think someone is watching does not grow up to be a concerned, responsible citizen. Nor is she likely to be a caretaker of the earth… unless she thinks there’s some immediate reward in it for her.
To me, the Elf on the Shelf teaches black and white parenting. Either you’re good or you’re bad, and, if you’re caught making a mistake, you should feel really guilty and be made to suffer. It also incites comparison between siblings (“Why can’t you be more like Taylor?”) and inevitably leads to tattling. Most of all, it highlights a child’s mistakes without truly helping kids learn from them. These are my concerns.
The one aspect I do admit to liking about this elf is involving the family in a game of hide-n-seek. We have our own holiday tradition involving a cute character. We’ve dubbed him ‘Mariachi Santa’ and he is over 40 years old. My mom sewed him and Mrs. Claus after she first married. He used to hang on the tree. But now, my husband, Sofie and I have more fun hiding him around the house. It’s a delightful surprise to find Mariachi Santa in the cereal box or the medicine cabinet. Sofie hid him so well last year that we only just found him among the dust bunnies last week.
That’s the kind of Christmas tradition I get excited about. Pure whimsical family fun, minus the layers of guilt and control.
We don’t need no stinkin’ elf.
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We are not an Elf on the Shelf family. Many friends I know do it and that’s totally up to them. Some take it more seriously than others. I do like your Mariachi Santa hiding idea…I may just have to borrow the idea in some form at our house. Erica
hey, great idea hiding santa around the house! we’ll try that